Another. Year.

figuring out where to start

If you’re still here, we made it. It’s 2026. Twenty years since I graduated high school. One year since Nick and I moved into our house in South Philly. Four years since we moved my dad into my sister’s house on this very day, before the end of summer came and brought The Big Goodbye. It has been long enough that I no longer count in days and months: I count the years. And here is another one.

Something about writing this after the year has turned to a new one is making me feel like I need to recap every-single-thing I have done, but I don’t want to so I wont :-) The most important thing is that we are here. And I have started flossing my teeth regularly…a real plot twist we were not expecting for 2025.

While I am reheating my coffee over and over, trying to do everything at once I read Lora’s writing: “What other moment is there, but right now?” and decide to start.

I’d Rather Be A Forest Than A Street

The picture above is from my dad’s birthday last year. Ali and I went to an outdoor sculpture garden and walked around. I found this under the giant three-legged Buddha and took it as a sign my dad was there too. When I was in New Hampshire for the holidays my cousin David, who is a mere seven years younger than my father, told me he sees my dad in everything, all of the time. I was surprised at such an earnest display of emotion in the place of his usual jokes. Although my dad was David’s uncle, they were so close in age they grew up as brothers. There is nothing quite like a brother you choose.

I thought I was done with death but I was wrong. My aunt Dot died just after Christmas. I don’t really know what to say about it other than it was unexpected and I feel sad for my uncle. It feels impossible that you can be here in one moment and gone the next. But, of course, it is. At the family party we do a Yankee Swap. I had number one and she was number two. She immediately stole my gift and I ended up keeping what she traded it for. I sent a text to my uncle to express my condolences, he simply replied “Thank you. It is a shock. Miss her dearly.”

I keep thinking about that and the way it says it all without saying anything.

Things That Help

1. I started using a CPAP machine for sleep apnea and WOW! I have energy. I am thinking more clearly. I am less irritable. It is amazing. The other day, after almost a year of living in my house, I unpacked my office and worked on some drawings. Pictured above :-)

2. I watched the 2010 film Poetry, one of the most beautiful movies I have seen in some time. They story follows Mija, who is on a quest to write a poem amidst family and community tragedy. I recommend it if you, like me, enjoy sad and sweet. A really amazing story of loss and longing, not for the faint of heart.

   

   

3. I am tucked in my bed listening to Calm Roots, texting a friend about their wedding in the spring. How lovely to start the year off with something to plan and to look forward to. Spring will come again :-)

4. I stopped thinking about all the things I haven’t done yet and started thinking about all the ways in which I have been working towards them. The simple truth is that you can’t do it all at once. It’s a process. Everything is! In fact, I remember one of the most Rick Dirck things my dad every said to me was something about how you have to have years of ‘nothing’ that are simply a path to the years of ‘something.’ Ugh why was he always right?

5. I signed up for a ceramics class at a studio down the street. THANK GOD! I have been wanting to return to clay for so long, one of my big goals for 2026. Nick got me a gift card to take a class so now I will get to go mush mud with my hands a few blocks away :-)

6. I have been on vacation since Dec 19th. What a treat!!! I am historically not the type of person who takes a lot of time off or goes on vacation, but our offices close for the Holiday. This year the way it shook out gave us a whole two weeks off and it has been so nice to have this time to myself. It has been a wildly busy work year and not having to think about work for a few weeks feels like the recharge I have needed for a long time.

Mail For A Snail?

I will never put this dumb newsletter behind a paywall, but if you wish to support my musings with a paid subscription you will be rewarded with my snail mail newsletter (like this, but maybe more art and certainly more fun to get). This is a tradition that has been on and off through the years, I decided this would be a ‘something’ year so..back to it! Just don’t forget to send your address.